Living In The Fast Lane

I don’t claim to be Mr Efficient; Mr I’m-So-Much-Better-Than-You-So-Deserve-To-Be-Treated-Differently. (What a passport that would make.)

All I am asking is that shops and petrol forecourts create lanes for people who don’t dick around.

The lady I followed into the Tesco Petrol Station would, for instance, not qualify. I had already managed to turn my engine off, stumble out of the car, extract my wallet from my jacket pocket and enter my payment card (and Tesco Clubcard) into the machine ready to fill up, start filling up my car with diesel, before she was even out of her car.

I was watching her, getting a little annoyed because I was stuck behind in the lane and couldn’t leave until she did.

Firstly sitting in her car checking something on her phone for 20-seconds, then getting out of the car to look at the petrol flap as if it were some sort of puzzle she’d never seen before, go back into her car for something, come back out again, then press the petrol flap to open it (at least three times), then look at the petrol choices as if she were choosing a new dress for wedding, before eventually starting to fill her car up with petrol.

I’d finished by then.

I got back in my car and luckily she’d only put around £2.50’s worth of fuel in so I didn’t have to wait too long… Until she went back into her car to search for her purse – I assume it was like a Tardis on the inside – came back out and locked her car to make sure no-one would steal it in such a public place, then head towards the shop to pay; before turning around half-way to come back to her car, unlock it (after realising she’d locked it and wondered why it wouldn’t just open), pop back into the Tardis to come back out with her face mask, and then head back to the shop.

Luckily, I noticed a gap in the outside lane, reversed to lots of tooting horns, shot through and buggered off.

The point is, I love the automation in shops. It means I don’t need to speak to a member of staff. They love it too, as they can keep their concentration on either checking their phones or chatting with colleagues about how shit their job is.

But, shops and garages should have fast lanes.

Lanes for people who realise they’ll need to pay when they are done, rather than root around for their wallet or purse as if it’s a surprise. For people not doing their weekly shop, with a couple of kids running riot and making the machine go wrong every couple of items.

Perhaps I need to go upmarket to Waitrose and BP, rather than Tesco, and Tesco.

 

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